I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
