im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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