when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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