At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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