i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
