She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
