TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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