you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.