I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
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We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
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The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.