After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
