I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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