Got a toothbrush?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Gay?
German.
Pity.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
