I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
