I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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