he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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