So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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