fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
