I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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