'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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