drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
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If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
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Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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