i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
