Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize