I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
