Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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