I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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