I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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