$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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