yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
