I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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