If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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