So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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