The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
