My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
sarcasm needs its own font
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
