fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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