goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
