my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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