Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
