Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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