Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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