there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
