College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
