my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
my poor anus
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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