I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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