is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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