I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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