At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
