She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
