Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
