epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
