my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
