sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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