Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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