He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i wish my penis had a tongue
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
