I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize