Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
