the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
