My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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