I seem to have left my pride at pride
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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