probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
