i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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