I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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